It was early 2021 when the phone calls started. At first it was a trickle of a few per week, then growing to a steady stream of several calls per day. By autumn, our staff knew that the most frequently asked questions in our little sex toy shop would be about “The Rose,” a product that had gone viral on TikTok.
The Rose is a small, unassuming device, designed to look like a rose blossom. Using pulses of air, it creates a feeling of gentle suction when placed over the clitoris, nipples, or other sensitive body parts. While air pulse technology toys have been available since 2014, The Rose’s internet buzz made it seem cutting-edge. Glowing reviews reported fast and furious orgasms. Interest snowballed, and the industry scrambled to meet demand.
A phenomenon like this happens occasionally in the world of sexuality products. The 2012 release of best-selling erotic romance novel Fifty Shades of Grey brought a huge uptick in interest about sex toys in general, and BDSM-related products in particular (as well as unprecedented sales of Kegel balls, mostly because the book paints an unrealistic picture of typical user experience). Back in 1998, a landmark episode of the HBO series “Sex and the City” (SATC) opened floodgates of demand for “The Rabbit,” a dual-stimulation vibrator that has since spawned hundreds of imitators.
These moments arguably helped normalize the pursuit of sexual pleasure—particularly women’s pleasure—within mainstream cultural discourse. When Charlotte, the most buttoned-down SATC character, walked into a sex toy shop over two decades ago to purchase her Rabbit, some of the taboo around that activity was lifted. Women who had been hesitant to visit adult shops felt emboldened by the show to explore. Similarly, Fifty Shades gave license to many readers (a major portion of them straight-identified women) to talk more openly about their sexual fantasies and desires, and to seek out information on sensual experiences beyond penis-in-vagina intercourse.
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But there can be downsides to virality. Hype about a specific product often tends to reduce our complex relationship with sexuality to over-simplified stories. Most of us receive scant education around sexual pleasure while simultaneously absorbing unrealistic and narrow cultural messages about how sex is supposed to look and feel. That makes us susceptible to the allure of any hot new thing that promises to bring us ecstasy and make real our fantasies.
SATC portrayed The Rabbit like an addictive substance. The toy created so much pleasure that Charlotte’s friends forced an intervention. That’s quite a story! Meanwhile, in real life, some users do indeed adore their Rabbits; it remains a favorite in many toy boxes. But others find that the toy doesn’t quite work with their anatomy, is too intense/not intense enough, or just plain doesn’t feel good to them. In other words, we’re all different, and we like different things. No single toy can be mind-blowingly awesome for everyone.
The impact of Fifty Shades’ popularity was more complicated. While some readers opened their minds to new erotic possibilities via power-play and kink, the way that Fifty Shades portrayed BDSM and consent was problematic and unrealistic. As a result, curious fans who added bondage, impact, and dominance/submission elements to their play often found themselves at a loss with how best to communicate their desires, boundaries and limits with partners. The framing of kink in the book didn’t offer an empowering template for negotiating fun, satisfying play.
As for The Rose, I’ve got a little advice. This item isn’t made by one company, but rather by an opaque, poorly controlled supply chain under different, sometimes sketchy, brands. If you decide to try it, look for a reputable seller (and/or consider similar products that offer a better warranty).
But far more importantly, when considering the larger picture of sexual pleasure, think of The Rose as just one possibility in a mosaic of sexual possibilities, rather than as a miracle device. Pleasure usually doesn’t boil down to one simple thing, it is situated within a dynamic context unique to each of us. The Rose may or may not blow your socks off. Regardless, you (and your socks) are wonderful as you are.
Hudson Nummerdor is a sexuality educator at The Tool Shed, Milwaukee’s mission-driven, education-based sexuality boutique.
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